Maybe almost every women have been feeling this.
Need an attention from your guys, but don't get it, and feel mad about that.

I've been seeing many friends of mine, who has more needs than me to get attentions from their partners. I've been thinking that I am a quite cool woman, who is not attached to partner's attention, or not hoping too much for sweet things from a partner.
Before, all I need is to express my loving feeling to my partner and makes him happy. Seeing him happy is enough for me. And even though sometimes I expect something from him too, whatever I get, I am happy, and most of the time, I feel enough. I feel content with that.

But I don't know what I am facing now. I've shown my love feeling and caring like usual. No response. Then I let it for a while, and then I express it again. And then no response again. Okay, then gradually I find out, that I don't want to be a woman who is waiting for a response from A MAN or A PARTNER so bad, and having too much thinking about that.

I hate being like that.

I know that he is not hating me or neglecting me. I know he loves me too. Because he told me.
But, this condition makes me want to stop spending my time too much thinking about this, about him.

Girls, Women, you are more valuable than that. (I want to tell this to every woman in this world). You have your gracious, your brain, your smartness, your beauty, your charm, so your time could be used for something more valuable. Because YOU ARE VALUABLE ENOUGH FOR THAT.

If you have a dream of your self, this is the time to think more seriously about that. It shouldn't be affected by your partner's attitudes. People, either man or woman, has their own role, and their own mission, their own dream to achieve. Something that ONLY YOU who can make it, who can realize it.

So, once again, when you need love or attention from your partner, but your partner don't seem to understand that, wait for a while. If they response when your true feeling is still OK, still nice, then it is time for you to enjoy the feel of love between you and your partner. But if they are not coming up yet (up to now), or if they are too late, don't get too long in that worriness. It is a time for you to spread your wings toward the world. The world is big enough that you can fly away wherever your heart tells.

It is a time to be an expert in pleasing yourself. or at least be good in that.
Sometimes, we cannot expect people to please us. We need to learn how to please ourselves, with our own ways.

For those who read this (FOR WOMEN), maybe I sound like a desperate woman. But trust me, soon or later, you will feel this kind of feeling too, at least once in your life time. (or maybe you already had)
Because unless you are lesbian, your partner would never know how woman feels. Well, some man looks like understand, or at least try to (or pretend to?) understand woman because of their experiences with women in his life. But they wouldn't understand it like women do.
Why is that? because they are Men, and we are Women.
Like Woman would never understand THE REAL THINKING of a man, then man would also never understand THE REAL THINKING of a woman.

And for THOSE MAN WHO READ THIS, I am sorry if I sound like harsh to you, but if your partner is doing those kind of things (like I mention above), please LEAVE THEM ALONE. Let them enjoy their life, their WORLD for a while.

If you are the REAL ONE for her, or IF YOU ARE LUCKY, then she surely will come back to you someday, when the time comes. Like nothing was happened.
She just need time, need air, need to FORGET ABOUT YOU for a while. To know what is TRUTH, what is THE TRUE MEANING of herself.
But if you are not the real one for her, well, just forget it.
Umm.. maybe you can show your effort before you let it go. Because women LIKES TO FEEL WANTED, especially from a man that she likes. She doesn't want to be together with somebody who seems not wanting her too much.
Maybe you can try it and we will see what will happen next.
But if it also doesn't work, well, sorry to tell, but maybe you need to find another chance with another woman.

And also, if your girlfriend (or partner) is being nice to you most of the time.
DON'T TAKE IT FOR GRANTED. Because we wouldn't know when woman's volcano will explode. (even herself also doesn't know when. that is the mystery of a woman)

a flower wouldn't grow if you don't water it. Also, a love can only grow if you take care of it sometimes. It doesn't have to be watering ALL THE TIME, but you need to recognize your flower, how many times a day, or a week, or a month, you need to water it.

thank you for reading till the end.

Thank you BLOG!
I feel better now.

I am ready to spread my wings to my world!

and good luck for all of you too!


Dinamysa

Akhir-akhir ini terpikir untuk melihat masa depan, tapi juga memandang masa lalu. Terutama sekarang ini lebih sering mikirin masa-masa lalu. Masa kecil, masa sekolah, masa kuliah. Entah kenangan indah atopun kenangan sedih, tapi yg pasti ada adalah perasaan kangen sama masa-masa itu. Am I that old?? nggak juga sih, mungkin sepertiga hidup pun belom kelewat (moga-moga... amin!) tapi 25 tahun itu kayak pendek, tapi juga panjang. kalo mau nginget kenangan2 selama 25 tahun ini, dikasih berapa jam, berapa hari, berapa minggu pun kayaknya gak bakal keinget semua. gak bakal cukup waktu buat ngebangkitin semua memori itu. Kadang aku mikir, manusia itu ajaib. Memori yang kayaknya udah ilang dan gak bakal keinget lagi, suatu saat bisa tiba2 bangkit, dan kadang2 memori itu jelas banget dan kadang2 berwarna. Is that the magic of mind? the magic of spirit? the magic of soul? Semua memori dan kenangan terserap di dalam jiwa kita. Mengingatnya kadang-kadang bisa ngebantu kita untuk ngenal diri kita lebih dalem, ato juga ngenal org2 lain di dalam memori itu.

dan setelah nge-flash back memori2 itu, aku ngerasa bersyukur udah hidup. udah bisa kenal sama orang-orang ini. udah bisa ada interaksi sama orang-orang ini, yang kadang2 interaksinya gak selalu indah2 aja. tapi tetep berharga. malah mungkin sama (atau lebih?) berharganya sama interaksi sama org2 yg hebat dan menyenangkan.
aku bersyukur bisa punya tubuh ini sebagai "sarana" untuk ngerasain hidup di dunia ini, untuk ketemu sama orang2 itu, untuk hadir di dunia ini sebagai "aku".
"so what do I need more?"

walaupun kadang2 lupa sama perasaan ini dan sebagai akibatnya punya keinginan atau harapan untuk sesuatu yang lebih bagus, lebih hebat, lebih indah.

tapi, kalo kita berhenti sejenak dan liat sekeliling kita (sekarang atau selama ini), mengingatkan kita kalau kita udah diberi cukup. bahkan lebih dari cukup.

ini juga ngebuat pandangan yang cerah buat masa depan. make us realize that everything had been given to us were the best for us. and it will also be like that from now on. either bad things or good things, all are the best things being given to us.

so let us sail the boat again and go forward.

because many wonderful thing are waiting for us in the future.

thanks God for giving me this life.


dinamysa

hi, udah lama ngga ngisi blog. sekarang aku lagi nyoba satu hal. ngelakuin sesuatu yg simpel tapi tiap hari... harus tiap hari!! skrg lagi nyobain diri sendiri utk bisa ngelakuin itu. sekarang ini yg aku coba adalah nulis satu paragraf di diary (tulisan beneran, bukan blog) setiap hari. ini emang pekerjaan simpel tapi susah utk dilaksanain. But I am sure I can do that ! at least I can try to do that. Dimulai dr tgl 10 september 2007, aku punya tekad utk ngejalanin itu selama 1 minggu. kata orang, kalo kita mau berjuang, mendingan dikasi waktunya : misalnya utk 1 bulan ini, atau utk 3 bulan ini, atau utk 3 hari ini! gitu. kalo nggak, orang itu susah utk ngelaksanain sesuatu yg berat. tapi kalo dikasi batas waktu sebulan, misalnya. kita bisa ngelakuin itu. krn perjuangannya bukan utk selamanya, ada batas waktunya. nah, makanya aku coba dgn 1 minggu dulu. 3 hari pertama, aku bisa ngejalanin. padahal niatnya 1 paragraf, tapi tny sampe 1 halaman ato kadang2 2halaman. impian gue, kalo gue nulis 1 paragraf tiap hari, mungkin setaun bisa jadi satu buku. kali2 aja ternyata hidup gue gak datar2 aja, tp banyak pengalaman en pelajaran hidup. we wouldn't know until we try it. mengenai tema yg aku tulis tiap hari, yaitu aku flash back satu hari yg aku jalanin, trus aku pusatin pikiran ke hal2 yg sering muncul di pikiranku selama ngejalanin satu hari itu. aku tulis semua yg aku pikirin itu, juga hal2 yang aku nggak bisa bilang atau konsultasi ke org lain. Waktu bisa ngejalanin ini tiap hari (well tepatnya 3-4 hari), efeknya udah kerasa. aku jadi lebih tenang ngejalanin hari berikutnya. krn biasanya pikiran di hari kemarin masih nyangkut ke hari berikutnya. dan akhirnya rasanya resah tiap hari krn selalu ada yg belom selesai. tp kalo ditulis (ditumpahin) dan stl itu dilupain, besoknya bisa ngejalanin dgn hati dan pikiran fresh.

tapi kenyataannya, aku mentok di hari ke-5. entah apa krn di hari ke-4 aku cerita hal ini (tekad utk ngejalanin ini) ke seseorang, atau entah apa krn aku tiba2 jd sibuk tak terkontrol, abis itu blank.......... sampe akhirnya lewat 9 hari! ternyata emang susah ya ngejalanin sesuatu secara konstan. especially utk org spt gue yang tiba2 bisa tertimpa kemalasan tak terkira... tapi di hari ke-9 yg blank ini, aku mulai lagi. people always make mistakes, but they also always have a chance to change, to fix it. so why don't I take the chance? daripada tertimpa rasa kesal en tak berdaya sama kemalasan diri. I don't know when, but I started to be a brighter person. I don't want to be too long in my mistakes and look at the mistake picture for loooong long time. I want to go forward.

so that is my learning today.


dinamysa